It's time I manned-up and stopped pining for someone I'm never going to get back together with.
I just have to not fuck up the next time I meet a decent woman. Seems tough from my PoV, but at the same time, lots of less intelligent people seem to do it every day. It can't be that difficult (and this is where I will later return to bemoan my falling victim to hubris).
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I found this link in the blog thread on FF. I thought it would be fun to go blog poking. I read back a few entries and, anyway, I just wanted to say that I commiserate with you on all this bullshit. I'm 28 and I feel like I assisted in the complete fucking up of a relationship with a guy that was *the one*. It took me months (and a very horrible mess of a failed reconciliation) to get to the point where I feel like I can let go and continue on with my life knowing that I won't be getting a do-over on that front.
So, I'm sorry. It makes me sad that anyone has to feel the way I've felt. :-( At least we're not 38, right?
Yeah, I suppose it could be that much worse - we could be staring down the barrel of 40 rather than 30.
I just hate the feeling that I'm destined to either be alone or eternally unhappy.
I hardly think that not finding someone by the age of 30 means that you'll be alone the rest of your life. I've got to the point where I think I could be quite happy alone, walking my dog after work each day and taking weekend excursions. Sure, it's more fun to do all that stuff with someone else, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy life solo. And that doesn't mean you can't either. I'm just going with the adage that says once you stop looking so hard, then you'll find it.
I'm don't want to give you the platitudes everyone gave and is still giving me (i.e. you'll find someone who's perfect for you, there are other fish in the sea, etc) because those can get obnoxious after a while. However, I'm sure I've already annoyed you once, so why not again? I'm sure you will find someone who is suited to you. It's just a matter of time and you not scaring her away with your astounding arrogance. ;-)
And I hope I don't have to tell you I was just kidding on the arrogance bit.
I LOL'd. You totally cheered me up with that ending :-)
I'd maybe be happy alone, if I was a pet person. Unfortunately, dogs terrify me, and I haven't yet figured out if there's a single animal on earth I want to devote about 5 years of my life to only for it to die of old age.
But I may be looking at it all wrong. My problem at the moment is complications. I keep finding only complications, and never a clear-cut situation.
I'm going to say what every other person in the world probably says to you. How can you not like dogs?! Not even little ones that you can cuddle? I know, I know. It's your preference. I'll keep my ten-pound terror away from you. Although, when he dies, I'm going to be crushed and inconsolable. It's going to be BAD.
Complications in compatibility or practical complications like time/distance? When the right person comes along I don't complications will get in the way unless they are ones you create in an effort to avoid attachment. And if that's the case, then you're fucked and should probably start looking for a therapist.
Me and dogs just don't work. I don't know what they're thinking, or if/when they're gonna go back to their roots on me. 'Cause, y'know, they're essentially wolves with haircuts and better reputations.
As to relationships, distance is a tough one. I never look before I leap, and then I regret it. Trans-Atlantics have never worked out for me. I think I need someone I can see frequently, easily, and without having to fill in a landing card.
That's not too much to ask, is it?
And as to therapy - been there, done that.
I saw a segment of a program on Discovery Channel or somesuch that explored the differences between wolves and dogs. Something I found particularly fascinating was that when presented with unreachable food behind the bars of a cage, the domesticated wolves raised by humans exhausted themselves trying to get at it. However, the dogs would make a couple attmepts at getting the food and then look to a nearby human for assistance. Apparently the centuries of domestication have engrained reliance on humans into the dog's mind.
I'm terrible, terrible at falling into pseudo-relationships via the internet. And even once you meet, it's still difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship. There's a quality of intimacy that is missing since you have to make such huge strides to see that person. I got involved with a guy who lived 1500 miles from me. We met and maintained a long distance relationship for three whole months before I dropped out of college to move across the country for him. We lasted seven years before he decided to trade me in for a newer (19-year-old), slimmer model with less miles. And he was considerate enough to tell me after after the fucking fact since I don't mind being cheated on. I'm still slightly bitter about it, but I feel like I'm partly to blame too. I have doubts as to my ability to maintain a relationship and suspect I may suck at it.
Dating someone on the same continent would be a good idea.
And how the fuck did this turn into an impromptu therapy session? I went to see a therapist last year when things went south with my ex, but obviously I still have baggage. I don't know why things have to be so difficult.
I guess misery loves company?
I've never moved to be with someone, but I did look into it. Twice. I applied for jobs in Germany about 5 years ago for Laila, and jobs in Philadelphia about 2 years ago for Kisha. Neither relationship lasted, and I didn't get any of the jobs. And now irony has put me in Germany.
How would you have felt had you moved and then the relationship(s) didn't last? Do you think you would have regretted it? And do you like Germany? I have a long-time girlfriend on the internet who lives in Germany, though she always seems to be traveling here, there, and everywhere.
I think I could have been OK. I would have work, which would help, and I'm a social person. However, I suspect I'd be struggling to find somewhere new to live, which would be hard.
Anyway, living in Germany now is great. I'm making friends, and I feel at home. I totally get your friend travelling though. There is so much to see in this part of the world, one almost feels as if life is too damned short. My first travel goals for 2010 are snowboarding and Prague.
I actually have a bit of regret over moving back to my hometown after the ex and I called it quits. The company I was working for at the time was closing up and my job was only guaranteed for another two months after shit hit the fan in my relationship. So, I threw up my hands and gave me, moved back closer to my family. I miss New Mexico, though (which is where I was living). It's good that I'm here where its cheaper to live and I can pay off the student loan that is hounding me, but I really miss the life I made for myself out there.
I'd love to travel, but two weeks of vacation a year is never enough to do much of anything. I try to take long weekend excursions to local places within a day's drive, but traveling further out would require time off work, and I always seem to get into positions where I can't be away for more than a week without a disaster occuring. Prague sounds wonderful, though! Just the history and architecture would be fascinating. I haven't the faintest idea how to snowboard, though. I hope you have a great time!
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